The Day the Twinkie Died

Flash-forward to autumn of the year 2029.

My daughter has just started her freshman year at Clemson University. One evening her and some friends have decided to go to Oldies Night in the Hendrix Student Center's McKissick Movie Theater for showings of some classic 1980s movies.

Up first is "Ghostbusters", widely recognized as one of the best comedies of all time.

(You and I know this convesation by heart)
     Winston: "Tell him about the Twinkie..."
     Venkman: "What about the Twinkie...?" 
(In case you don't remember the details of the Twinkie, here's a refresher video...)

"Any of y'all know what a Twinkie is ?," asks one of Ashlyn's friends.

Ashlyn eating her first - and probably last ever - Twinkie

Ashlyn responds, "It was some sort of snack cake. My parents have a picture of me eating one when I was little...the day they stopped making them...the day the Twinkie died."

About That Day

Rewind to November 16, 2012. 

I learned about the Twinkie's demise .... the demise of Hostess, an 82-year old company and the manufacturer of some of our nation's most recognized bakery snacks...on Facebook. 

My wife knew about it earlier in the day and posted about it on Facebook. I hadn't scrolled down far enough to see her post when I saw a post from a friend of mine about Hostess' closure and instantly shared it out and commented. We (she and I) have always had a thing for one-upping each other as far as knowing things before the other, so she won out this time.

At first, I didn't really think everybody would go Twinkie crazy. Then it was like the Zombie Apocolypse hit and people started talking on Facebook about going to the store and stocking up on them. Then I started reading more and more posts about people running to the store to get some.

My wife began telling me when she got home from work to go buy some. Finally, after reading even more stuff online, I was like, "Okay. We need to go now. I may never be able to eat another Twinkie again if we don't."
 
Apparently today was the day that Ebay also went nuts. With people selling Twinkies. And any type of Hostess products or memorabilia they had or could get their hands on. 

Our final haul of Hostess stuff

We went to at least 10 convenience or grocery stores. Our only score was a bag of Hostess donuts at Publix and a handful of Hostess products at Dodge's General Store down the road from our house.

After getting home, a choice had to be made. Eat them or frame them? Eat them it was. That the best Twinkie I think I've ever had. It made reflect...

Emotions and Stuff

... I was sad that day. And mad. And nostalgic.

Twinkies have always been in my life. My dad is a fan of them. I'm a fan of them. Although in recent years, I've admittedly developed more of an affinity for Zingers. That's where the sad and nostalgic comes into the story.

The mad part, well that's my political side coming out.

Hostess has been around for 82 years, employing hundreds of thousands of people during that time. They are an icon of capitalism, the American dream, Americana, hard work and determination, and economic vitality - at least until recent years, and a lot of that had to do with unions.

When America's first unions began to establish themselves, there was a genuine reason for that. Working conditions in many industries were absolutely horrible. There hardly were any such things as safety protocols. Company owners and managers could get away with pretty much anything they wanted to at the expense of their workers. 

In their purest, truest sense, unions were a great solution to curb most of those behaviors and practices - while still allowing the business/organization to thrive. 

What we have seen in recent years though (for far too many reasons to name) are companies that have been forced to reorganize or relocate (in many of those cases causing mass layoffs) just in order to survive - or close, as is the case with Hostess. Their closure will result in the loss of an 18,500+ member workforce. 

Another major blow to our economy. When that many people go out of work, it has serious economic repercussions in more ways and in more lives than we can imagine. It affects our entire nation.

I know there's people who will go to the wall for their beliefs in the idea of unions. But I'm just not one of them. Fortunately, South Carolina is a right-to-work state which means you won't find many unions here. They are few and far between. 

Our economic developers will not in most cases even talk to companies who are interested in relocating or expanding to our state if that company has unionized workers. One of the first questions our EDs will ask a company when they express an interest in South Carolina is "Are your workers unionized / are you a union company?"  If the answer is yes, the we will ask "Do you have a transfer clause?"  If a transfer clause exists, that means the union charter allows it to transfer along with the company to another state or location. If the answer is yes, the state will immediately cease talks with them. If the answer is no, we'll invite them over to come check our great state out.

Unfortunately, with the leadership (or lack thereof) in our current administration in Washington DC, we're probably going to see more instances of companies like Hostess having to deal with this type of situation - especially with what's going on with Obamacare coming into full effect and our economy in the shape it is, but that's a discussion for another day and time.

Getting Back to the Story

So I'm sad that the memory of the Twinkie will more or less be lost on the generation of kids that will soon be going through our elementary schools - and for our future generations. They'll never know that original, great taste of a REAL Twinkie instead of that of BlueBird Twinkie knockoffs. (By the way, I'm not an economist by any means... but they are probably in for a huge increase in sales in 2013)

For all you health nuts out there, you can complain about the nutritional detriment of a Twinkie, or a Ho-Ho, or a Ding Dong, or a Snowball, or a Zinger all you want. Go ahead. It doesn't matter to me, and unfortunately it won't matter to Hostess anymore.

So long Twinkie the Kid. It's been great knowing you - we (at least I) wish you weren't riding off into the sunset.

Okra. The Other White Meat

I had to post this while it was on my mind....

Sixth grade. We had just moved to a new town and I had just started at a new school. It was middle school -- one of those periods in your life when being viewed a weirdo isn't exactly what you strive for.

One day, very early on the year, I'm standing in the lunch line and deciding what sides I want with my meal. There's a bowl of chicken nuggets. So, yeah, hey, I wanted some chicken nuggets to go with what I had on my tray.

Fast forward to a couple minutes later, I pick up one of the nuggets, take a bite out of it, and ..... WHAT IS THIS GROSS TASTE?

I take it out of my mouth, look at it, and see green. I'm not sure exactly what I said; I think it was something like, "This is no chicken nugget. It's green." Whatever I commented, it got laughs from the entire table.

In my own defense, how was I to know that what was completely breaded over and from the outside looked like a chicken nugget was actually not a chicken nugget and some kind of fried southern vegetable. I still shudder when I think of that taste. And I still can't eat okra.

Which leads me to....

My daughter absolutely loves okra. I don't get that. And I don't see how with my taste buds' disdain for it, she inherited a love of it. Of course, my wife likes okra. So that's where she gets it. 

Along with her love of cornbread. And for grits. Both of which I hate.

Oh well, I guess I'm raising a Southern girl who loves okra. Totally loves it. She eats it like it's candy. I just watched her devour an entire plate of it.

Yuck. Absolutely, yuck.

To her it's a treat. To me, it will always be the other white meat. That I don't eat.

Six Months (Almost)

Today was the first time my wife and I left our daughter with a babysitter. Granted, we actually babysat our babysitter, ourselves, when she was a baby - but she is more like family to us now. We even refer to her as one of our daughters when she is out with us somewhere.

Even still, its been almost six months since my wife and I have been anywhere together without our daughter Ashlyn. My wife handled it better than I thought she would. Admittedly, we were both a little nervous. But we were only going to be gone for a couple of hours. And we knew we could trust "our other daughter" Abby with her. They love each other and we knew she would take good care of her.

The six-month thing struck us though. It's hard to believe our little girl is nearly that old. She's changed so much. Now she's trying to skip crawling and go straight to walking; she has this fire in her that she wants to be able to do so much more than she can; she's eating baby food, teething, sitting up almost with no support, has more than doubled her birth-weight, and is, overall, just awesome. My wife and I have been blessed with a beautiful girl who we adore, loves 80s music and prunes, laughs at Elmo, and burps and passes gas like a champ. She is truly the light of our lives.

We've had some challenges in the past six months though that she has gotten us through.


My wife has some severe complications from her c-section and developed an infection which required several surgeries. She spent nearly two additional weeks in the hospital and then spent her maternity leave at home recovering for a month and a half unable to do most of the things she wanted to do with Ashlyn. Breastfeeding was out of the question because of all the meds. And she couldn't really pick Ashlyn up and play with her hardly at all for the first several weeks of her life. My wife had an incredibly hard time with that. I took almost all my vacation and sick time from work to stay at home and take care of my girls. A few days before I was going to go back to work, my boss called me in and told me they were eliminating and outsourcing my position to an agency that we had been using for some other services as well. Nice.

So I've been at home being Mr. Mom since the beginning of June - taking care of Ashlyn, job hunting, doing housework... I decided at the start I wasn't going to be bitter or angry about being out of a job because it would do me no good. Doesn't mean I can't be stressed though. Sometimes I feel kind of useless since I'm not working at a job - but then I get over it. My job right now is to find a job, take care of my daughter, and be the best husband and father I can.


Everyone says a baby will change your life. Truer words have never been spoken. I adore my nephews and nieces, love them, and would do anything for them - but being a dad takes those feelings to an extreme. I tell my daughter all the time "I love you from the moon to the stars and even further." She has brought so much joy into our lives. 

She's such a character.

There are so many nuances of her personality that are hilarious to watch. Sure, there are things that are challenging about her personality - she's impatient, stubborn, and sneaky. But she's a very happy baby, who loves to laugh and smile, meet new people, show off all her new skills,and is very attentive at church. She amazes us more and more every day.


Being parents have changed us and taught us a lot. Our first thoughts in the morning are not about hitting the snooze button anymore, but of going into her room and greeting her for the day. On most days, she's already up and waiting for us to come get her. She greets us with this electric smile that literally makes her body shake in excitement. 


She has taught me that despite whatever else is going on, family is number one. She's taught me to love more; not only toward her. She's taught me that some things I would have been bothered by in the past that other people do aren't really worth my time to be bothered by anymore. (Although being a parent brings a whole new set of things to the table that people do that bother me now, like disregarding the fact that there are children nearby by being loud, obnoxious, stupid, smoking in a public area, etc). She's taught me to treasure the blessings in my life even more. 

She's taught me so much already , just in six months - and I can't wait to teach her new things every day to come, as well.

Little Miss Magic

As much as my wife and I thought we knew what to expect of becoming parents, we’ve both been put in our place over the last two and half weeks.

You can prepare for a baby financially…. You can prepare for a baby with material things… You can prepare their nursery and their wardrobe…

But the one thing I can’t get over is how much I have fallen in love with this little girl

I see a little more of me everyday
I catch a little more moustache turning gray
Your mother is the only other woman for me
Little miss magic, what you gonna be?
- Jimmy Buffet, Little Miss Magic

Sometimes I do just sit and watch her. Hold her in my arms and just look into those beautiful eyes. Look down into her bassinet and spend a few minutes just amazed that my wife and I created such a precious, innocent life.

It’s amazing. It’s something that I don’t think any expectant parent can prepare for.

Sometimes I catch her dreamin and wonder where that little mind meanders
Is she strollin along the shore or cruisin oer the broad savannah
I know someday shell learn to make up her own rhymes
Someday she's gonna learn how to fly
Oh that I wont deny
- Little Miss Magic

I do wonder what she thinks of when she sleeps. A friend of mine posted on my Facebook page the other day, “if they smile or laugh while sleeping they are playing with loved ones who have gone on to Heaven, angels.”

That hit me hard. She has such a beautiful smile. And she laughs in her sleep a lot. It’s actually really cute to watch. But after I read that comment, now I can’t help think, “Who’s she playing with now?” Great-Grandma Maxine? Grandma Doris?  Pop-Pop?

I wish they could all be here to watch her grow up. It breaks my heart that she will only know of them through what we tell her. But that’s our job as parents. To show her we love to her. To tell her how important family is. To teach her to love. To teach her to become her own person. To teach her to be strong in her faith.

Faith can't be taught
It's just something that is caught along the way
No faith is never taught
It's just something that they catch from watching you along the way
-    Mark Schultz, She Was Watching

She’s already starting to form her own personality. Wait, what am I talking about? She was doing that in the womb.

There are a few things we knew ahead of time about our little girl… That she’s stubborn, a fighter, spirited, a clown, and determined.

I can tell that all those are true.

But each day I see new traits developing. I watch her watching us. I can tell she’s got a million thoughts going on in that little head.

She has a tender heart, but she means business when she’s mad. She is expressive, but manipulative too. I think babies have that down pat.

I hope as she grows up that her mother and I will be parents that she will admire, trust, and love. I hope I will be a good father and model strong values and faith to her. I hope she becomes an individual who others look to for love, guidance, and support.

I have two amazing parents, who I love with all my heart. There’s so many ways they have influenced my life and who I’ve become that I am so thankful for…… I hope I will be as influential in who my daughter becomes.

But for right now, I’m going to want her to stay a little girl, my own Little Miss Magic, who actually is amazed by the blades of the fan on the ceiling.

I love you, baby girl.

I Resolve

2010 was one of those years. A lot really can’t be said for it.

Looking back at my blog posts for the year, you might wonder what was going on. Frankly, I am too. Not nearly as many posts as previous years. Kinda makes me wonder what I really accomplished last year.

I’m not really going to try to wonder why though.

I’m just going to start out the New Year fresh, with a positive outlook and happy for the life-changing miracle that God gave to my wife and I last year.

My daughter.

We’re currently in our final trimester, due April 7 – and totally ecstatic about our bundle of joy arriving healthy and ready to take on the world.

It’s definitely going to be life-changing. We’re both excited --- and scared and nervous too – but mostly excited about being parents. It’s something we’ve wanted for a long time.

We know we won’t be perfect parents. Nobody is. But we both already love this little girl more than words can say and are going to do our best to provide her everything she will ever need.

With that in mind, I’m going to start of the year with some resolutions.

I think technically you’re supposed to make New Year’s resolutions the first day of the new year, but I don’t think I’m really breaking any rules by making them a few days late.

So, here goes, in no particular order:

• I resolve to be the best daddy I can be – and be there for my little girl when she needs me and more
•  I resolve to be the best husband I can be – and be there for my wife when she needs me and more
• I resolve to lead a more healthy lifestyle – to eat better, to exercise, and to take care of myself better
• There is a big sub-resolution to this: I resolve to lose weight...
• I resolve to kick soft drinks
• I resolve to watch our money more tightly, not to eat out so much (but there will be special occasions when I will want to take my wife out), and not buy stuff that we don’t need. No more sudden impulse DVDs will be the big one.
• I resolve to spend more time with my wife – and focus on my family time more than time on anything else
• I resolve to stop bringing work home all the time and to not have that be the focus of all my spare time
• I resolve to stop getting on Facebook so much and to limit my time on it during my spare time
• I resolve to keep this blog updated more as time allows. I have a feeling a lot of posts will be made this year about my daughter.
• And I resolve to not stress so much over stupid things

We’ll see how I do.

The 2000s

They say that this was the worst decade ever.

I didn’t live through the Great Depression, but I have a feeling that the 1930s could give the 2000s a serious run for its money as being the worst decade ever.

I just wonder who DIDN’T vote for the 1340s to be the worst decade ever --- despite the fact that it was in the middle of the Dark Ages, a time when belief in science was considered heresy, and it was a decade when nearly 200 million people died of the bubonic plague.

I would tend to think that the 2000s was not the worst decade ever.

It wasn’t exactly the greatest decade ever, I’ll give it that.

I think most people will find that as they grow up, they look back on one or two decades during the life as their own personal favorites. But I think a lot of that is just due to the natural changes in people’s lifestyles, life stages, and outlooks at any given point.

You go through a decade of your childhood – when you just enjoy being a kid. You go through a decade of transition. You go through a decade in the real world when you get what’s left of the recklessness of youth out of your system, establish your identity as an adult, begin a family and begin a career.

Then you go through a few decades of being a provider, father or mother, family leader, and also experience career growth or changes.

And as that goes on, you watch the next generation go through the same cycle.

A lot of people think the 1980s was a cess pool of greed, excess, and debauchery.

It may have had its problems. But I think most of my generation will defend the 1980s to the teeth as a great decade. Was it the greatest decade ever? In some regards maybe, in others probably not.

We experienced the birth of MTV, the video game industry, countless fads and trends – and lots of other cultural changes, new ideals, and role models – all of which helped to shape our outlook, serve as a backdrop for our youth, and mold us into who were are today. We did have one thing going for us though in that the U.S. had its second greatest president ever to lead it through the majority of the decade.

And I don’t think most of us Children of the 80s turned out too bad.

Not that I don’t think that the children of the 2000s will turn out bad as a whole, but something tells me they won’t be as quick to defend the decade of their youth as the Children of the 80s are.

That being said, again, I don’t think the 2000s were an entirely bad decade. It had its pros – and it had its cons.

I just hope as we all have all gone through this decade that the things we have all learned through our shared experiences will help make the 2010s a much better decade.

So here’s to a new decade. It can always be worse than the one before, but let’s hope not.

A 30-Year Love Affair

My ears perked up. Sort of like what happens with a dog when they hear something that surprises them or they're trying to identify a sound. As much as they can perk anyway.

My wife gave me a quizzical look. Then I grinned.

"Do you hear it," I said.

"Ummm... what?," she asks.

I tuned my ears for that sound I thought I just heard -- a sound a child falls in love with at an early age while on summer break from school --- just to make sure. Yup, there it was again.

Then my wife heard it and responded, "Is that an ice cream truck?"

"Yes it is!" I exclaimed, as I jumped up and scrambled for some cash.

Where's some cash? No cash. Stupid debit card..... where's some change?

"Honey, where's all our change," I'm screaming through the house like a madman.

She gets up and starts picking coins out of her change box on the dresser.

Impatiently I reach over, grab the box, and turn it upside down as coins rain down into my hand.

"You're crazy," she says as I grin.... "Go get me a Brown Mule ice cream bar"

"OK," I'm yelling as I'm running out of the house to locate the source of the music.

It's already passed our house going up into the cul-de-sac. So I wait. It comes back towards us. Turns up the side road cul-de-sac. And starts coming my way.

And I'm sort of laughing at myself and the situation, but more grinning as they pull up beside me.

I'm sure the neighbors were amused. They may have wondered 'What does this idiot think he is, five years old?"

Frankly, I don't care what they may have thought. The ice cream truck was here.

I was happy. I picked through the coins counting how much I had. Just enough for something for both of us.

She got her ice cream and I got myself an orange pushup. Sweet.

I know I sound like a child, but I have had a 30-year love affair with ice cream trucks. My sister and I both can hear one coming from a mile away. It's just a sound that brings back a lot of memories of "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, I need some quarters. THE ICE CREAM TRUCK'S COMING!!!!"

Except now it's, "Honey, where's all our freaking change!!!???"

We have an ice cream truck that drives through the campus of the college I work from time to time in spring and even during the summer when the students aren't there. Why when students aren't there, I don't know... I guess they know that I'll give them business if I'm around.

My wife had her first experience with an ice cream truck a few years ago when we were living in an apartment not too far from where we went to college. She lived out in the country growing up; we lived in a neighborhood full of kids that was on the regular route of area trucks. We would assail the truck en-masse, scan the pictures of the treats plastered on the side of the truck with wonder "What do I want, what do I want?" and then fight to get to the window to get our treat.

She never had that experience.

I have always thought of ice cream trucks as a special slice of Americana. As a right of passage for all children. Obviously not everyone has that experience.

The first time she heard the jingle of that magical music, she was like "What is that weird music?"

I had already beat her to the punch -- before she was able to say anything I had leaped all the way across the room to look out the window for an ice cream truck.

I got the same response then as I did the other day -- "you're funny". This all went down on Saturday.

So this evening after getting home from work, I heard the music again. Before it was on our road. Didn't have to look out. I had faith it was turning up our road.

It did. And I had some change ready. And I got a Rocket Pop this time.

I don't know if our neighborhood is a regular stomping ground for this ice cream truck, but if it is I'm really looking forward to the rest of this summer.

The Mind of a 4-Year Old

One of our neighbors, who we don't know really well, has a son that is probably 4-years old, I'm guessing. I'm guessing he's that age based on his vocabulary and height. Really nice kid, always says "hey" when we walk by.

I came home from running some errands today and saw him outside on the sidewalk. He had a little water gun with him. It wasn't a super soaker by any means, this water gun was one of those little tiny ones.

Here's how the conversation went:

Me: That's a neat water gun.
Him: It's not a water gun. It's a toy.
Me: It looks like a water gun.
Him: It's not.
Me: Is it a ray gun?
Him: No. It's a toy.
Me: Well, I think it really looks like a water gun.
Him: It's not. But I want a water gun. Would you buy me one?
Me: Ummm... (thinking here, what can I say that will just totally bewilder him out of a response so I can make it to the house).... I can't. I'm broke.
Him: I'm broke too.
(Crap, now I've got to say something in response)
Me: That's not good, is it?
Him: No, it's not.

Then he sees some other neighborhood kids, picks up his water gun, and runs off to join them.

I guess you never really understand the mind of a 4-year old as an adult. Here's to being 4 again and wanting someone to buy you a water gun.

Time For Another MPAA Ratings Change

We saw the new Narnia movie last night.

I liked it -- it had great scenery, great action sequences, decent acting, and a decent storyline. I never read the book so I can't really argue about what they did or didn't put in the movie. But overall, it was a very good sequel.

But I do have one major issue with it ------ it was a little too violent to have a PG rating. There is a scene where the Narnians are literally being slaughtered as their escape route is cut off and one of the main characters has to make a decision whether to flee or go back and face certain death. It was a very, very intense scene.

Of course there was a lot of battle violence throughout the movie anyway. Granted they really didn't show any blood, but I don't think you really need to show blood in a battle for children to have a lot of misunderstandings as to what is going on, for them to have a lot of questions, or for them to get scared.

There were so many children under the age of seven or eight in that movie theater that I couldn't count them all. There were many toddlers and even a few infants. Personally, I think toddlers and infants shouldn't be brought to the movies period -- not only because of potential emotional or psychological impact from the movie but because a movie theater is just not a place for a child that young. Children that young are hard enough for their parents to keep up with anyway, but they tend to be distracting to other moviegoers. Especially crying babies.

Personally, I would never take a young child to a movie, let alone let them watch it on TV, without thoroughly researching it. If it is something that I think I would still be wary about even after researching it, I would have to see it first before I were to make a decision to let them see it.

I think the MPAA has made a lot of strides in recent years in its rating methodology. Movies with violent battles, extreme cursing, or inappropriate subject matter for children are having a much harder time getting a lesser rating. Granted in some cases, I know there are movie directors/producers/writers/studios that want that higher MPAA rating because they know it will mean more $$ in their pockets and will draw a larger crowd that is interested in coming out just to see why the movie received the rating it has.

Should Prince Caspian have received a PG rating? I don't think so. It should have received a PG-13 rating. Should the MPAA revise its rating system even further? Yes. Every rating shoud be tightened down.

So I think the MPAA ratings need to be changed from top to bottom in the following fashion:

• G: All audiences admitted, parents encouraged to attend with children
• PG: Children younger than the age of 13 must have a parent with them during the movie
• PG-T(EEN): Children younger than 13 are not allowed in the theater. Period. Children between the ages of 13 and 18 must have a parent with them
• R: Children younger than 18 are not allowed in the theater. Period
• NC-18: Just have this take the place of any X, XX or XXX ratings. Nobody younger than 18 admitted.

There are a lot of bad things in this world that children are being exposed to more and more. Drugs, sex, nudity, language, adult content, violence of any form -----

Popular culture and the media are innundating our society with these things and children are experiencing things because of that at a much younger age than they should be (and many things that they should never have to experience).

We as a society should become more responsible in regard to this and give our children more of a chance to retain their innocence and let them be kids longer.

I remember seeing Star Wars in the the theater when I was little; I remember Raiders of the Lost Ark being the first movie my Dad and I saw in the theater without my mom. I thought the action in both was cool. Han Solo and Indiana Jones (aka Harrison Ford) made both of those movies hits. But I never turned to violence because of what I saw in the movies or TV.

I think my parents did a very good job raising me and my sister. They taught us good morals, instilled a strong belief system in us, taught us right from wrong, and always remained concerned about what we watched and listened to. I admire them for their parenting.

But there are a lot of parents out there that just don't seem to care about what their children are exposed to; who don't talk to their children about the things they see or hear; or who don't monitor what their children are doing. Yes children need their freedom to be children, but they don't need so much freedom that they do things in the real world that they think won't have consquences to them or other people just because they saw someone do that on TV or in the movies.

Parents need to be more accountable for the actions of their children. There are too many parents nowadays that are too lenient with their children, too ignorant of what their children are doing, and too into themselves and not their children. We can't just blame only the children for what they do anymore. Negative actions of children are not always entirely their own fault --- those actions often can be attributed to parents not being good parents.

It doesn't take much to become a mother or father. That math is pretty simple. But it takes alot to be a parent.

Children need good role models. They need their parents to be good role models who make decisions for them that will guide those children to become role models themselves when they get older. So to help those role models develop, society needs to jump in and help steer the wheel. We all need to be a part of that --- and so does the MPAA.

The Newest Fairground Game: Whack-a-Parent

My wife and I went to watch a friend's daughter in her elementary school's choral production tonight. It was, well, an elementary school production. The songs were corny, the kids did some things to make us laugh, and the dancing was just as hokey. It was an elementary school production, so it was what it was. But she had a fun time and looked cute in her '50s era poodle skirt, so that's what counts.

We don't have kids of our own yet. But we have lots of friends that do and have a church full of children also. We have one neice on my side, and two nephews and a neice on my wife's. So we're around kids alot.

I observed something this evening that I had observed alot at several other places, church in particular (you'll notice in the upcoming paragraphs many references back to this).

They had a professional videographer set up to shoot the production tonight. We have a camera set up in our sound booth at church to shoot our early worship service. Neither were/are elevated real high so the potential to get a lot of heads or backsides is pretty high.

The parents in attendance were made aware of the camera and asked not to block it by getting up and down or walking back and forth in front of it. Our early-service goers are well aware of where our camera is placed at church and of the fact that we record the service each week, yet continue to stand in its path or walk back and forth in front of it.

(When you watch the DVD of our early service, the sermon is often given by someone's bald head)

This fact in mind (camera in back of church during service and camera in back of cafeteria for choral production), the parents in both places decide not to care. They get up at random times during the service/choral production to stand up, walk around, and block the view of the video camera or other people.

It's like watching a whack-a-mole game come alive. I'd love to have a big 20-foot rubber mallet to whack people back down into the seats in either case.

I know they're thinking "I'm not going to settle for sitting in my seat and dealing with the fact that I didn't get here early enough to sit in the first two or three rows or bring my own tripod to set up in the back of the room also, so I'm going to stand up, make an inconsiderate ass of myself, and block people's view so they can't see their own children."

This irritates me.

I was asked to shoot the kids' Christmas skit at church the Christmas-before-last. So I took the church camera off the tripod at the back of the room and decided to carry it up to the front to get some nice close-ups of the production. I thought this wouldn't be too difficult and would be a little more intimate for the people watching the end-product video/DVD.

Yet, I was battling parent after parent walking in front of me thinking they're the shit because they have a 2.5 megapixel digital camera and are getting in my way.

"Hello, I know you see me crouching down here with the real nice, real expensive church video camera trying to some real nice footage of your kid. So get out of my way."

I have a really big issue with people who are just rude and don't show any respect to people around them. I understand that taking pictures or video of your kid is a big deal. I'll probably feel the same way when my wife and I have kids.

But when you're in a location where you're going to get in people's way and disturb their own enjoyment of their own child's participation in whatever is going on, at least have the common courtesy to stay in your own freaking seat --- or spend a few extra bucks, get a tripod, and stand in the back of the room with all the other more intelligent parents who brought their own tripods.

Or better yet -- just leave it up to the professionals, sit back in your chair, relax, and don't worry about it.

Welcoming Somone New to the Family

My wife and I met our new neice this past weekend....

Here's the next 37,000 words of this post:

I'm An Uncle

My sister had the first grandchild in the family yesterday.

Laken Reese Gagliardi was born at 12:03 pm, weighing in at 6 pounds, 9 ounces; is 18 inches long, and has a full head of hair --- (pictures to come)

My brother-in-law, who is a pro-fisherman, asked if he could hold her before she was weighed. He guessed that she was 6 pounds, 10 ounces. He was one ounce off. LOL

I'm excited. We're all excited. My wife and I have two nephews and a neice on her side of the family. They're great kids and I love them to death. But I don't think that's quite the same as having a blood-related neice.

I have big plans for a lot of big-time spoiling. She already has a whole accessory line of Clemson tiger stuff from us -- rattles, bibs, clothes, bottles, a taggy, and some other stuff. There will be more to come.

New Births, New Blessings

I haven't yet given a shout out to Buckeye Timmy on the birth of his newest daughter, the beautiful and adorable Reese Crawford Whims. Congratulations, Tim and Patti.

Go check Reese's photos when you get a chance.

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Next birth shout out expected Feb. 18. My sister is scheduled for an inducement that day -- adding to the popularity of the name Reese with a little girl named Laken Reese.

Halloween - A Paranoid Safety Monger's Worst Nightmare

On Halloween night, our neighborhood suddenly became a treasure chest in the middle of everything.

The night would start off with our local fire department sounding their siren, probably around 6 or so. That was the signal we waited all year for. My sister and I would start out, mom in tow, with several other friends and their mothers, and hit the neighborhood. And for an elementary schooler, our neighborhood was HUGE! At the end of the night, it always felt like we had walked 100 miles. But the reward for the three or so hours of trick or treating was always worth it --- two or three plastic pumpkins full of loot. It was chocolate gold. And, man, was it an awesome feeling. Then around 9, the fire department would sound their siren again and that was the signal to go home.

Mind you, all this was done on the night that trick or treating is meant to be done --- Halloween night.

I just measured our old trick or treat route on Google maps. It looks like it was about 3.5 or so miles round-trip. If you figure 10 houses per 1,000 feet, that ends up being 277 houses. Figure half of those weren't handing out candy, so that still 138 houses. And 2-3 mini candy bars per house (or Reese's cups, the preferable treat of choice), that's between 275 and 400 pieces of candy. All this while wearing a plastic Darth Vader mask, strapped to my head with a rubber band, with a little slit in the mask to breathe through -- and a cool black plastic sheet painted to look like Darth's body adorning mine. Basically a cool trash bag. But it was cool, that's the thing.

Okay, fast forward 22 years.... The paranoid, safety mongers have taken Halloween and totally diluted it down to a parking lot bash.

WTF????

There are several things that I find totally screwed up/bizarre/stupid/and or wack about the state of Halloween these days.

1. The costumes --- Our nephews, 6 and 7 respectively, are wearing store bought, fabric, looks-like-mom-sewed-it-together-in-an-attempt-to-keep-her-kids-in-childhood-naivete-all-their-life skunk and kangaroo costumers....... WTF???? Costumes are supposed to be cool. You're not supposed to look like a farm animal. What happened to the plastic, slit-to-breathe-through masks? Okay, so someone said they were unsafe. Boo, hoo. It's unsafe leave the house in the morning, but people still do it.

2. Caravanning to neighborhoods --- We used to walk. (See above) People wonder why their kids are getting fat. It's not because of the candy -- it's dad and mom's job to eat most of it anyway. It's because they cart their kids around in the minivan with a horde of other kids to strategically targeted neighborhoods or houses, and they drive them from house to house. That takes the entire purpose out of going on foot, house to house.

3. Two or three nights before Halloween ---- Halloween is meant to be celebrated and conducted on Halloween. Don't vary it from community to community. That just confuses the parents and the kids. And the homeowners (you're not sure exactly which night everyone will be arriving) Do it on Halloween only. So what if it's a schoool night. They're kids. They're supposed to have FUN trick or treating -- and sometimes fun means staying up past bedtime on a school night.

4. Pillowcases --- One of the most greedy trends I have seen in recent years are kids carrying around pillowcases for their candy to be put in. Go get a little plastic pumpkin like your parents had before you. Get two or three of them. That way when they fill up quickly, you'll feel alot happier and prouder of your night's trick or treating efforts. It takes a lot longer to fill up a pillowcase -- and as long as it's not full, the kid using it is going to feel shortchanged.

5. Rudeness --- This relates to point four, but has several expansion subpoints to it. You don't just go up to the door and hold out your pumpkin/pillowcase, whatever the case may be, without saying trick or treat. It's rude. And the parents who allow their children to do that need to be smacked. Say 'Trick or Treat' and then after you get your treat, you say 'Thank you.' Those phrases are not difficult to say at all. I make it a point to let the kids know that they're being rude when they don't say thank you by saying, 'You're welcome....' if they don't. Hopefully that will set some little lightbulb off it their hand that they're being a greedy, ungrateful little brat. I just spent $30 on Halloween candy and they had better say thank you.

4. Trunk or treat --- This is new to me. The first time I heard about it was this year. Our church is holding one. When I heard of the idea, I was like, 'WTF???" It's just bizarre. You all gather in a parking lot. You fill your trunk up with candy. And the kids go from car to car, trick or treating.

Okay, like I said earlier, I get people are alot more safety conscious nowadays. The have a right to be. There are some scary, freaky people out there. But come on, let you kids have fun in the traditional way that Halloween was meant to be conducted. Just use common sense. Watch out for your kids. Go out with them. Don't go in a van. Use the old tried and true, one foot in front of the other, walking method. It will help teach your kids the value of hard work. And they'll have such a fun time going house-to-house, rather than subdivision to subdivision with mom - or dad - or both.

And don't let the paranoid, safety mongers take away the true spirit of Halloween!!

More on the Water

Congratulations to Buckeye Timmy and his wife Patti. They've recently found out that they are expecting their second child.

I think there definitely is something in the water.

The Status of the Water

My sister found out for sure a few days ago that she's pregnant. So she and my brother-in-law are expecting a baby Clemson tiger in February.

I think there's something in the water.

At least five couples at mine and my wife's church are in various stages of pregnancy. I found out today a coworker of mine is pregnant.

My wife and I have been married 10 years. Through those 10 years we've had alot of ups and downs financially and careerwise. We've had probably more than our share of discussions on whether or not we're ready to have children. We both want children very much.

I've always been the one that's been more hesitant about having children than my wife, for this reason or that, or whatever. But we've pretty much agreed that now we're at a stage that we are finally comfortable at to have kids and hope to put some plans and actions in motion in the very near future.

We were at a local store this past Sunday and saw some really cute baby stuff (the theme of which I won't mention just in case my sister reads this blog -- and I can't believe I just publicly wrote down the phrase "cute baby stuff") that we bought for her baby. It was the first time I really got excited buying baby stuff. Of course we've got two nephews and a neiece all under age eight on my wife's side, and have plenty of friends that have had babies, so we've done our share of baby shower, baby gift, and young child gift shopping. I enjoy buying them gifts. I adore and love my newphews and neice dearly and enjoy watching them opening their gifts. But my wife could take spoiling them to an unprecedented level given an unending supply of funds.

This past Sunday when we were purchasing the gifts for my sister's baby, that was the first time I just wanted to really truly spoil someone to no end and they aren't even here yet. It must be a blood-relative thing. I wanted to buy up everything in sight within the theme we were buying. I know that's really weird and totally out of character for most guys to say. But I can't even imagine how much those feelings are going to increase when my wife and I have our own child.

We've had the names for a son and daughter picked out for a long time. They are both a mix of family names and original names (nothing off the wall and none of this last-name as a first name business that people are finding so popular these days for some bizarre reason) - James Bradley and Ashlyn Elizabeth. But the more I think about it, the more I know that when the day comes, I think I'm really going to enjoy being a dad.